My world

[Silvergirl]

I do not live in the same world as you,
be glad you do not live there too
A world that is strange and scary
where things are not what they seem
my world of numbess, tingling, burning.
pins and needles alone or even all at once
where unseen hands peel the scalp from my skull
where morning brings a strangers teeth in my mouth
where I do not remember what my body should feel.

A world of forgetfullness
of saddness at what has gone
where I tap my tiny grandson lest I forget that i am holding him and let go.

Why can I not go back?
Back to days of laughter and ease
back to days pain free and happy
Where I trusted myself it was real
was it all an illusion ?
The photos my only proof
I have trusted so long that these people are right.
But are they?
Are they the ones who are confused?
The ones who are so wrong?
Dare I try?
Dare I hope?
I can and will, I will follow the path of self treatment for it can do no harm.
If my demons I leave behind, then I will return
and lead you if you wish to follow to the past and the sun.

[kimks mom]

Hi Silvergirl,

Very lovely poem and I thank you for sharing with us. I do hope you follow what you have written in the poem and go back to self-treatment.

Regards,
Pat

[BeeNumber12]

I'm glad you are still writing. I hope you find self treatment a way forwaard to your 'old' self.

Dorothy

[Silvergirl]

You are both so kind. Yes I have decided and started to self treat and it is going very well. I got up this morning with dreadful pain on th edge of my right foot on the site of a recent fracture. No fun there one might think except I couldn't feel it yesterday. The Drs where wrong when they said that the neuro damage was irreversable and things are continuing to improve . I am curious to see how far this will get me. I just wish that I did not have to hide what I am doing, I am so lucky to be able to talk to all of you. God bless you all.

[BeeNumber12]

Oh, wonderful! I am so very glad you have taken up the fight for your life. Remember to keep the folic acid level up so the b12 can do its job. Self injecting along with plentiful level of folate can take you very far indeed. There are dozens of member on here who have returned to near normal routines and quality of life. It can take a long time for some. It took me a long time....years...Based on my own experience, I found my best progress occurred when I kept a schedule of daily injections. However, I also did well on twice weekly injections for several years. Don't be discouraged by the time frame, go by the quality of your life on a day to day basis. Keeping a diary will help you remember how well you are progressing.
If hiding is what it takes, I wish for you the best of stealthy skills!

Dorothy

[JDee]

Hi Silvergirl.

It's so sad that we can't have total support from our doctors. Very sad. Glad you're getting on with the self-treatment.

Jac